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My politically correct greetings to you

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my friends and colleagues, but it is so difficult in today’s world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my lawyer yesterday, and on his advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted Gregorian calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

No trees were harmed in the sending of this message.

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2 Responses to “My politically correct greetings to you”

  1. Thanks Jerry, I especially liked the greeting from Jews for Jesus at the end!
    My best wishes to you for 2009!
    I’ve lost 6 pounds since November 3rd!
    Patricia

  2. Jerry Kidd says:

    You had me scratching my head for a moment until I wrote this answer…that is an ad that shows up based on the context of what I have posted. Kind of a cool ad!

    And a big ATTAGIRL on the 6 pounds. That’s hard to do especially at this time of year!!! I am THRILLED tgo hear that news.

    Best regards,

    Jerry